Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Post-Rapture Pet Care

There's one nagging detail about the impending Rapture that needs to be dealt with quickly: what will happen to my pets after the Rapture?

Never fear, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA and After the Rapture Pet Care are here!

...and there may be others. These two organizations are not joking, and they're raking in the dough--well, not really. After the Rapture charges a measly $10, and Eternal Earth-Bound charges $135 with an additional $20 for every animal after that. This raises several ethical questions--will the money be refunded when the Rapture never happens?--but if you're stupid enough to believe in the Rapture, I don't have any sympathy for your money loss.

It's a brilliant business model, really; your gross profit is your net profit because you have no expenses or supplies to buy. Savvy!

I found this question and answer from Eternal Earth-Bound especially amusing:
Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with
Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

There you have it, satisfaction guaranteed! Rest assured that your beloved animals will be safe, at least until Earth is engulfed in flames and they fry like bacon with the rest of us.

I just want to know: does Jesus hate animals, or have they all solemnly blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29?


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