Friday, October 28, 2011

God Hates Shrimp

This website is fucking genius:

God Hates Shrimp

It is a beautiful parody of the people who believe homosexuality is wrong because of the passage in Leviticus about it being an abomination.

"Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites."


Before and After My Atheism

Lately I've been observing more closely the ways in which my life has changed since I've become an atheist. When I was researching belief systems and realizing that nothing made enough sense, and that it all seemed so transparent and man-made, the idea of atheism kept nagging at me. I kept trying to ignore it. Atheists, after all, were evil, irrational, sinful baby-eating monsters. So I want to share how life has changed for me, in an effort to offer a realistic view of a day-to-day atheist perspective (and hopefully a positive one).

Result of my Atheism #1: Freedom

This is a fun one, because time and time again theists accuse atheists of rejecting God claims only out of a desire to do all that fun sin shit. Holy hell, would you guys give that one up already?!

I am a truly free person today (well, other than having to pay taxes). What this means for me is that I am not confused and bound by the shackles of religion anymore. I don't have to abide by pointless, arbitrary rules that have no actual consequences if they are broken. I can eat meat on Fridays. I can have sex without being married. I can use birth control. I don't have to tithe. I can be accepting of gays. I can think for myself instead of running to the Catechism/Magesterium for answers. And this is a biggie--I am completely accepting of the possibility that I may be wrong about things, because I know now that learning is an ongoing process, and I no longer expect neat, pat answers from my religion. I have learned to stop and examine everything carefully, and find justifiable reasons for believing things.

Theists, pay attention to this part: my freedom does not mean I am free to violate the rights of others. My rights end where yours begin, and yours end where mine begin. Because I am an atheist does NOT mean that I have a right to rape, murder, steal or otherwise disrespect other humans and animals. It certainly does not mean that I want to do those things. I don't, and I don't know any atheist who wants to either--and I've done a lot of research into the matter. Atheists are social humans just like all humans are social humans. This means that we generally prefer to live in harmony with others and not be violated, and in turn don't violate others because that would give them a free pass to fuck with us. Much more on morality to be posted later, but for now, I just want people to understand that atheists are generally peaceful, kind people who do not want to violate others.

Result of my Atheism #2: Humility

Now that I don't believe in a god, I've become a lot more humble. I used to believe that as a human, I was extremely special, and had dominion over the earth and other animals. I used to believe that God was behind every mundane detail of my life, and that he had a special purpose for me, and I would be able to glorify him (and myself) by following his will. If I was late for work and thus avoided a car wreck, I took that as confirmation that God was protecting me (and, to be logically consistent, God would have had to be out to get someone else that day, i.e., the poor schmuck who died in the wreck--but I guess I was more special). I tried not to get a big head about it, but it was hard not to when you're constantly trying to translate God's signals (and interpreting them however you want to, but convincing yourself it was God).

Also, understanding that I am simply another animal was humbling and empowering at the same time. It was humbling because I realized that humans' superior brain powers are the only reason we have become what we are, thinkers and doers and problem solvers/causers in society. It has made me much more respectful of animals because I no longer have an Us vs. Them mentality. I was always taught that God put animals on this earth for our use and enjoyment (but don't ask what the hell was God thinking when he made the mother fucking mosquito--God works in mysterious ways). I don't treat animals differently necessarily but my perspective has changed. It was empowering because I could understand myself better and everything makes so much more sense now. Nature makes so much more sense. I never before understood why God made mosquitos, or sharks, or poisonous snakes? Why did he bother with the complex systems of the earth like plate tectonics that result in mountains and earthquakes and volcanoes, why make a world plagued by blizzards and hurricanes and tsunamis? Couldn't he just make everything safe and benign? I could come up with a better world system in mere moments! For an almighty creator, God sure did overcomplicate things.

Result of my Atheism #3: Reliance on Reality

There are a lot of things I wish were true. There are a lot of things I have felt were true. But I've come to disregard all things that are not reasonable, and are not grounded in reality. There very well may be flying spaghetti monsters, or gods that impregnate virgins, Xenu the intergalactic warlord, spirits and souls and angels and demons... but is there real evidence for these things? Could you imagine using these things as admissible evidence in court cases? Hah! There's a good reason we don't. All these things are based on faith--they're intangible, inaudible, invisible, and thus indistinguishable from nonexistence. If you can't tell the difference (and no, ancient religions and texts don't count as "evidence") between nonexistence and faith, what is the point? How is your faith any more factually true than the faith of another? You can't tell the difference! We can believe things because we choose to just to choose to, or we can believe things because they are reasonably demonstrated to be true. Personally, I prefer to believe in as many true things as possible. If you want to stick your head in the sand, that's fine, but I don't want to. It's much better above ground.

I enjoy seeing things for what they are. I enjoy the freedom from having my thoughts policed over frivolous things. I enjoy dealing with problems and solving them with real solutions in reality. I accept that some things just plain suck, and some things are beyond horrible, but I don't believe in a fairy tale of cosmic justice for the world's maladies. If it's true, great! But I can't see any reason to accept it as true. I can't find good reasons to accept any religious or spiritual claim as true, and so sometimes I have to say, "I don't know!" but that's ok. I am finally honest.

Result of my Atheism #4: Scary Movies

Scary movies are fun! I used to believe that demons, evil ghosts and hell were real and I would break out in a cold sweat just thinking about them. I thought that if I watched scary movies or otherwise thought about those things, it gave them a power to "get" me. I've never been one for gore because it's just damn stupid and boring. But I love scary thrillers like the Ring, the Number 23, 1408, things like that. I love scary movies that have plots, and give you something to think about. I can even watch them by myself late at night. No nightmares!

Result of my Atheism #5: Life and the Environment

Everything is precious now. The universe is glorious and mysterious and I get lost learning about it. Before, I thought God made everything and believed that when I got to heaven I would have the rest of eternity to learn everything and explore the universe. I recognized beauty but didn't go searching for it; I figured I would get my fill at some point no matter what. If I was confused by something, no big deal; God would explain it all after I was in heaven. Now, one of my biggest regrets is that I won't live long enough to acquire all the knowledge that ever was and ever will be. I want to know everything! I want to explore! I have accepted that I'll never be able to know everything that the future holds (*sigh*), but the next best thing I can do is learn and dream as much as possible here and now. I have an itch to travel like you wouldn't believe. In my free time I watch science documentaries. It's like being a child again where I am curious about everything! Lots of fun. I explore different religions and authors instead of sticking to only those who agreed with me.

What's not so fun, though, is finally understanding that the Earth does have finite resources and us humans are consuming it all. We are nearly at 7 billion people now. This is becoming an increasingly serious problem, and will lead to much death and suffering if we continue on this path. I used to think that God wanted more and more babies (After all, "a baby is God's sign that the world should go on") and if you believed in him, he would always take care of you. God never gives you more than you can handle, I was fond of saying.
"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life, whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them" (Matthew 6:25-27).
I took that very seriously. I knew God wanted me to be responsible, of course, but I floated through life believing that God would guide me and provide for me as long as I was faithful to him. I suppose it was good that I did not worry very much even during some very tough times, but I also was pretty purposeless. I made life decisions based on whims and feelings and experiencing "calls" to this or that from Jesus. *facepalm*

Now I realize that Jesus isn't going to swoop down and provide us with food and water, especially if we've had 18 children in his name. We have to take care of ourselves.

Result of my Atheism #6: Gay Rights are Everyone's Rights

I admit it, I used to be a homophobe. I never openly said anything rude to a bad person or treated them any different, but internally I looked at them with disdain. That is, until I got to know one. I was very careful to not get close to anyone I found morally incompatible with my beliefs. My first semester at art school was difficult. I came very, very near to quitting. Everyone around me seemed to be tattooed, pierced, gay and had hair every color of the rainbow. And most of them smelled like pot. But I held on and over time, as I got to know and befriend these people, I realized that--hey!--they are people too. They were no better or worse than me. We are all just different, and the differences are interesting but not negative. They don't really matter, and shouldn't be a big deal. I have dozens of gay friends and acquaintances, and do not DARE say something derogatory about being gay around me. I will set you straight. Art school was the reason I stopped being a judgmental, prude bitch. I wasn't born like that; it was taught to me.

Sadly, there are many idiots out there who think that homosexuality is a big deal. A very big deal. A deal worth beating people over, discriminating against them in utterly horrible and asinine ways. They try to restrict these peoples' rights, and spread lies about them. I don't give a damn if you are gay, straight, black, white, whatever--we should all be equal in the eyes of the law (and of course I'd rather that culturally we are equal, too). I think we're getting there and it's getting better, at least in many countries, but it is not where it should be. That people even have to take two seconds to debate whether or not homosexuals should have the right to marry, or have kids, or have the same jobs.... it blows my mind. I can't fathom why people are so opposed to it, any more than I can fathom how anyone actually mistreated people because they were black. How the fuck can you justify any of that?

Homosexuality is natural, and even if it weren't, that would be ok too. If straight people suddenly decide to become gay, that's totally cool! The nature vs. nurture argument really means little to me in terms of it determining someone's rights. Anthropologically, it's very interesting, and I can't tell you how much it rocked my world to find out that there were gay penguins. I used to firmly believe it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. *sigh* HOW was I so stupid?! Gahhhhh. The sad thing is, not once did anyone correct me or challenge me. Not once.

If religions, society and the law can discriminate against gays or blacks, they can discriminate against anyone they dislike at a particular time. Law should not be so arbitrary, obviously. Law should not be a tool to control those you hate and reward those you love. The rights of individuals must be protected at all costs. If one of us is unsafe, then none of us are safe. An attack on gay rights is an attack on everyone's rights.

The religious bigots who fight so hard to have prayer in schools and forbid gays from their civil rights need to think really hard about what they're doing. I'm fine with Christian prayer in schools, as long as Islamic prayers, Jewish prayers, and Satanic prayers get equal airtime. Oh, that's not what you want, bigots? Perhaps you should separate church and state and thereby protect the people's rights, including yours.

If God is real, he has to be a real lame son of a bitch to care about whom people love and with whom they have sex.

Result of my Atheism #7: Carpe Diem

Seize the freaking day. Be as happy as possible. Don't put up with crap if you can change it. Accept that life isn't perfect, but it can be damn amazing, and enjoy as much as you can. Respect others' rights, and demand yours be respected. Don't do stupid shit because it just wastes the little time you have and hurts everyone. Don't worry about others' opinions. Be strong. Be independent. Love. Live. Laugh. Learn. Give. Explore. Dream. You only get one shot. This is it.

There are things that haven't changed, but mostly I am an entirely new person. The world is a new, exciting place and I feel reborn. I feel free. I don't waste my life with senseless dogma and drama. I live. My family has disowned me, and that experience has been probably the worst in my life and I'll never be over it, but I wouldn't trade my life for the world. I am happier than I've ever been. It was worth it because I am honest, for the first time in my life.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Put Down the Pacifier Day

That's right, folks. November 4, 2011 is officially Put Down the Pacifier Day. This is bad news for toddlers and infantilists alike.

Even my worst days are better than if I were a parent having to deal with the myriad of problems parenting entails. Three cheers for being childfree!

No sooner had I posted this on my Facebook than a breeder took notice. I posted it because I find it ridiculous and hilarious that 1) parents can't get their kids to give up the pacifier, and 2) they need to put their kids in front of the TV so that a fictional character can tell them what to do. Hmmm, seems that Elmo has more parenting abilities than the parents. Anyway. This breeder commented, "omg. thank you sooo much for putting this up. i need Emily* to give her's up and she absolutely loves elmo. i hope this helps us." *facepalm*

*sigh* Glad I could help.


* Name changed

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Not so fast, slimeballs!

As seen from my handy dandy iPhone on October 21, 2011:

And today, October 26, 2011:

Mhmm. That's what I thought.

Interesting that after the End of the World came and gone, they lost 3 followers and 61 tweets. Someone did some serious housecleaning.


Monday, October 24, 2011

Theists, Your Ignorance is Showing!

An acquaintance posted this to her Facebook over the weekend:

"Atheism: The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing and then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinosaurs. Makes perfect sense."

*facepalm* Where to start? For one, this is NOT atheism. NOT AT ALL. If you run around promoting this idea, you are an ignorant jerkface.

All together now, children: Atheism is the lack of belief in a deity or deities. Nothing less, nothing more.

Atheism is not a belief in anything. It's a absence of belief. Furthermore, I don't know of any atheist who claims that there was nothing, and everything came from nothing, and all that bullshit. The truth is, we don't know exactly why the universe came into existence. We know a lot of things and learn more all the time, but the intellectually honest answer is to say "I don't know" and not "god did it." Did you notice that this is separate from "believing" in all that nothingness? Obviously there are causes for the existence of the universe and everything in it, but there is no evidence for the nature of the cause(s) being supernatural or spiritual. Thus, based on the lack of evidence, atheists believe that the causes for the universe are natural in origin.

Let's also point out that this idiotic poster clusters atheism together with evolution, cosmology, and the Big Bang theory, and has a piss poor understanding of those as well.

Theists like this only flaunt their ignorance. If they spent an hour reading something other than antiquated religious texts, they might experience what's known as education.

This, however, is perfectly accurate. It's funny, but I'm being serious--I used to believe this exactly, the only difference being I labeled it with prettier words and spent a bit more time trying to make it look like serious business.

Friday, October 21, 2011

It's the End of the World as We Know It, I Feel Fine

Oh, Harold. How I adore your asinine predictions. It is, finally, the End of the World today. I'm really excited to see how this shit goes down, but I'm a little irritated that I'll miss by birthday Monday. Bugger.

Let's enjoy this last day, 1990's R.E.M. style.

We Can't Know is still going strong with their Countdown to Backpedaling. Tomorrow will be glorious, and hopefully full of embarrassed excuses and explanations. This is my nerdy, atheist equivalent of a kid being excited for a trip to the candy store.

We Can't Know has an excellent link on their page to The Backpedaling is Here: No, Really, It Happened! from Ask an Atheist. We're making history here, people. Years ago, it was possible for religions and prophets to make ridiculous claims and they were affording the luxury of fading away into obscurity. Not anymore. It is the Information Highway, baby! Their malarky is meticulously documented and will be remembered until the real end of the world. Historical documentation has reached its golden age and skepticism is improving. I can feel George Carlin smiling down on us from heaven.

This is truly beautiful. All of you need to visit Family Radio's Twitter Page. Here are some yummy ones:


Hear Ye!, Hear Ye! -- OCTOBER 21, 2011 IS THE "END" OF THE WORLD!. The day of God's vengeance on sinful human is here!. Pray for your Life!.



I delight in the use of periods after exclamation points, the letter 'o' in 2011, and the unique spelling of decrees. Unfortunately the Bible does not teach grammar, nor does it offer spellcheck. Also unfortunate is the apparent lack of education from the Twitter poster.

Did it never occur to these people to get their noses out of that antiquated, corrupt book and examine the Universe in reality? For shame, no. And so we will continue to be amused by their ramblings.

I cannot wait to see what they say tomorrow.


Why I Don't Hate (or Eat) Children

After my last post, I want to show a softer side to my coldhearted bitchness. I've got a lot going against me, you know. Atheists are rumored to eat babies, and childfree people are rumored to hate children and sometimes snack on them. As a childfree atheist, I need to succumb to my sinful, infantile tastes and eat a damn baby already. But I won't, and I'll explain why.

There's a rant in the childfree community about childfree people inserting the disclaimer that "I like kids" for no other reason than to make them seem like more likable people to the outside community. While I agree that it is unnecessary and dishonest to try to placate someone with an untruth, I actually do mean it when I say, "I like kids, but they're not for me."

My decision to be childfree is mostly to do with the negatives that parenting responsibilities entail, not with the kids themselves so much. True, I don't like bratty or spoiled children--but who is to blame there? The parents. It is the knowledge of what a never-ending, enormous responsibility parenting is. If I had children, I would throw my everything into parenting. I would do the best job that I could possibly do, and I would go out of my way to do it. I would kill myself working so hard, because I understand how extraordinarily valuable a happy, healthy human being is. Many people have told me what a good mother I would be, and I agree. I take it as a compliment, because the people who have said it say it to me in a you-are-so-put-together-and-happy-you-would-be-great-at-teaching-others-how-to-be-so kind of way. I do think I would be good at it. I would be a great mother, but I would be a very sad, stressed, depressed person, and the cost of it is not worth it to me.

I value children for two main reasons: they have practically unlimited potential, and they are usually completely innocent beings. Sure, they are annoying and messy most of the time, but they're very morally innocent. I really enjoy this innocence. It's such an obscene, horrible world sometimes. The innocence and potential that children have is critical, because children inevitably become adults. Adults have power to do good things and bad things, and to help or hurt a lot of people, especially themselves. If children were raised to be responsible, compassionate, critical thinkers, imagine how much better the world could be when they become adults! Instead, most of them are raised with harmful dogma, thought control, contempt and distrust for "outsiders", and a great lack of coping and communication skills for real life. For the most part, children are fed and clothed but not truly educated.

I am protective over children because they have very little power to educate themselves and better their circumstances (although their power increases as they age) if they are in the care of bad parents. They didn't get to choose their parents or guardians, and as it stands, there are no "parenting licenses" or any kind of standards for parental fitness before people become parents. I'm not necessarily saying that there should be laws or regulations--this is another post, and a very sticky subject. For now, I'm simply making the observation that children are born helpless and at the mercy of whatever kind of parents, good or bad, they happen to get. When I see or hear of children being abused or neglected, it makes me incredibly angry. There are few things that revolt me more.

I like children (most of the time) because they are cute, funny, and I love seeing them learn things. Certain age groups appeal to me more than others. I love me some babies. But I don't like the toddler stage at all. They're cool again when they're about 5 because they're not so high maintenance and you can have conversations and stuff. But the 10-18 year range is a total gamble. So many kids that age are complete jerks. A lot aren't. I was a sweet teenager (really!) and didn't give any trouble, but some of my peers.... whew! looking back, I don't know how their parents didn't push them off a cliff.

I would make a good mother. But the cost is too high. However, I have a desire to help children reach their full potential, and to help fill in some of the gaps in their upbringing, which is why I am interested in volunteering.

But for those atheists and childfree who thinks babies are mighty tasty, here is a helpful recipe:

"Peel an onion and shove it right up its ass. This will enhance the flavor, and will add a rick, dark color to the juices for your Christian baby gravy."


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

50 Reasons I Chose to Be Childfree

People are so incredibly surprised--dumfounded, offended, even!--to discover that people choose to not breed little crotchfruit. Thus, my personal list of 50 reasons why I am Childfree. Something I can direct people to so that they may wrap their minds around why I am a cold and heartless, baby-eating wench.

I'll attempt to list these in a general order of greatest to least reasons, but hold on to your hats! My mind is an insane trip, and you never know when random thoughts will attack.

1. I crave the freedom to dream, explore and travel and it would be much more difficult (if not impossible) for me to do that with children.
2. World overpopulation. Finite resources on Earth. Enough damn people already. God isn't going to swoop in and provide for us all when times get too tough.
3. Home is my sanctuary. Children are chaos. The two do not mix.
4. Having to plan around a child's picky food tastes and/or packing lunches 5 days a week sounds like pure hell.
5. You know what else is hell? Not being able to go to the bathroom or take a shower without being interrupted.
6. It costs would cost me over $280K to raise a (1) child starting in 2010 according to the USDA ( in my current financial and home situation. Uhm, HELL TO THE NO.
7. Why would I pay money to be enslaved for 18+ years?
8. The money I save on not having children will go towards cool shit like a house, nice vehicles, vacations, fine cheeses and wine, my animals, massages and oh yeah--a really nice retirement home when I can no longer take care of myself. I am totally happy with that.
9. I love, love, LOVE having a clean house and undamaged furniture, car, etc. Kids destroy things, and they dirty things. No thanks!
10. No temper tantrums from anyone other than me.
11. I need to be able to go to bed early occasionally, and sleep in on the weekends. NEED.
12. I am too selfish to have any desire to put my life on hold to raise someone else. I don't see the point of wasting my life like that.
13. No kiddie playtime, storytime, naptime, and bedtime. Instead I get grownup fun, grownup movies (uninterrupted!), plenty of sleep and as much sex as I like! Woohoo!
14. I never have to have my snuggle time with my man ruined by a snot-nosed brat crawling into bed with us.
15. No dirty diapers, spit up, poop, pee, vomit or any other errant body fluids from anyone other than possibly a new puppy or myself when I am ancient.
16. I get bored with playing games with kids pretty easily.
17. Sex. Lots of sex. Uninterrupted.
18. Even more sex.
19. Alcohol at anytime. Sex at anytime.
20. Not having to endure kiddie birthday parties.
21. I only get one shot at life. I'll be damned if I waste it "living vicariously" through children.
22. No minivans or soccer mom SUVs, woooooooooooo!!!
23. I'll never have to miss work or fun stuff because of a sick child.
24. No teenage angst.
25. I don't have to worry about teaching my kid about the birds and the bees and hope he doesn't get a girl pregnant.
26. I get stressed when life gets too busy or too messy or I don't have enough relaxation and quiet time. I know for a fact that I would lose my mind if I had a child because I would never have relaxation or quiet time (not without paying someone, and even then it's only temporary), and life would always be busy and messy.
27. I have time and energy for exercise, rest and meditation--3 things that keep me healthy and sane.
28. No fights between me and my man over parenting styles or philosophies.
29. I have time, energy and money to be there for my friends when they are down, broke or otherwise discouraged. This means A LOT to me to be able to do this. I would not have survived had it been for some friends who took care of me and helped me put my life back together. I want to be able to give that back to them, and to future friends.
30. I can be spontaneous and decide to go to Wal-Mart at midnight. Or leave work early and drink beers at the lake. Or have sex at 2 p.m. Or raid the candy aisle. Whatever.
31. I'll never have to juggle grocery bags, a diaper bag, purse and baby while trying to answer a phone call, unpack my shit and get the kid loaded into the car seat while a criminal takes advantage of my distraction and robs me.
32. No Barney. No Dora the Explorer. No Yo Gabba Gabba. None of that crap!
33. No tripping over toys or bookbags.
34. Since it takes $288,000 for me to raise a child from 0-18 (not counting college), that's $16,000 a year, $1,333 a month. $1,333 a month, people! No, no, no. Way too expensive. That will go to property, savings, retirement, vacation and charity. Not kids.
35. Why would I want a thankless, endless, miserable job? I don't. The 1% Kodak moments don't make up for it.
36. I find PLENTY of joy and fulfillment in myself, my man, my friendships, my hobbies and interests, reading, etc... Children would rob me of 90% of the joy I experience in my life and I would never get over mourning that loss.
37. I'm not going to spend my youth raising children. These are my best years! I'll never get them back!
38. I don't think I could bond very well with an ugly kid, and who knows what you're gonna get.
39. I am not comfortable with the risk of having an unhealthy or disabled child. I couldn't handle it.
40. Teenagers are assholes.
41. Parenting is a very serious job with huge responsibilities. I know this way too well. I know the sacrifice it entails if you're going to do it properly. There is the potential for payoff in the end, but it's a gamble, and I don't want to spend my life living for someone else.
42. When I am too old and I need someone to care for me, they will be paid for doing so. I won't expect someone else to do it for free just because they are related to me.
43. Dying old and alone? Bitch, please. There are 7 billion people on this planet. There is plenty of potential for friendships.
44. I will nurture relationships with those I love and who love me, and they will be there for me throughout life. I don't need kids for care or companionship.
45. I can hang out with kids I know and love and spend quality time with them (and as much or as little money as I want), and give them back to their parents when it's time.
46. Don't have to watch a kid all the time to make sure he doesn't destroy something or hurt himself. I can relax.
47. Don't have to censor what I say or do in my own home.
48. Don't have to hide any tasty food I may have from a greedy toddler.
49. I won't have to be concerned with the education, from school smarts to street smarts and everything else, of children.
50. I am free to be myself, do what I enjoy and live life to the fullest without the burden of a child who would ruin everything.