Why I Don't Hate (or Eat) Children

After my last post, I want to show a softer side to my coldhearted bitchness. I've got a lot going against me, you know. Atheists are rumored to eat babies, and childfree people are rumored to hate children and sometimes snack on them. As a childfree atheist, I need to succumb to my sinful, infantile tastes and eat a damn baby already. But I won't, and I'll explain why.

There's a rant in the childfree community about childfree people inserting the disclaimer that "I like kids" for no other reason than to make them seem like more likable people to the outside community. While I agree that it is unnecessary and dishonest to try to placate someone with an untruth, I actually do mean it when I say, "I like kids, but they're not for me."

My decision to be childfree is mostly to do with the negatives that parenting responsibilities entail, not with the kids themselves so much. True, I don't like bratty or spoiled children--but who is to blame there? The parents. It is the knowledge of what a never-ending, enormous responsibility parenting is. If I had children, I would throw my everything into parenting. I would do the best job that I could possibly do, and I would go out of my way to do it. I would kill myself working so hard, because I understand how extraordinarily valuable a happy, healthy human being is. Many people have told me what a good mother I would be, and I agree. I take it as a compliment, because the people who have said it say it to me in a you-are-so-put-together-and-happy-you-would-be-great-at-teaching-others-how-to-be-so kind of way. I do think I would be good at it. I would be a great mother, but I would be a very sad, stressed, depressed person, and the cost of it is not worth it to me.

I value children for two main reasons: they have practically unlimited potential, and they are usually completely innocent beings. Sure, they are annoying and messy most of the time, but they're very morally innocent. I really enjoy this innocence. It's such an obscene, horrible world sometimes. The innocence and potential that children have is critical, because children inevitably become adults. Adults have power to do good things and bad things, and to help or hurt a lot of people, especially themselves. If children were raised to be responsible, compassionate, critical thinkers, imagine how much better the world could be when they become adults! Instead, most of them are raised with harmful dogma, thought control, contempt and distrust for "outsiders", and a great lack of coping and communication skills for real life. For the most part, children are fed and clothed but not truly educated.

I am protective over children because they have very little power to educate themselves and better their circumstances (although their power increases as they age) if they are in the care of bad parents. They didn't get to choose their parents or guardians, and as it stands, there are no "parenting licenses" or any kind of standards for parental fitness before people become parents. I'm not necessarily saying that there should be laws or regulations--this is another post, and a very sticky subject. For now, I'm simply making the observation that children are born helpless and at the mercy of whatever kind of parents, good or bad, they happen to get. When I see or hear of children being abused or neglected, it makes me incredibly angry. There are few things that revolt me more.

I like children (most of the time) because they are cute, funny, and I love seeing them learn things. Certain age groups appeal to me more than others. I love me some babies. But I don't like the toddler stage at all. They're cool again when they're about 5 because they're not so high maintenance and you can have conversations and stuff. But the 10-18 year range is a total gamble. So many kids that age are complete jerks. A lot aren't. I was a sweet teenager (really!) and didn't give any trouble, but some of my peers.... whew! looking back, I don't know how their parents didn't push them off a cliff.

I would make a good mother. But the cost is too high. However, I have a desire to help children reach their full potential, and to help fill in some of the gaps in their upbringing, which is why I am interested in volunteering.

But for those atheists and childfree who thinks babies are mighty tasty, here is a helpful recipe:



"Peel an onion and shove it right up its ass. This will enhance the flavor, and will add a rick, dark color to the juices for your Christian baby gravy."

--BadSec

Don't Worry, Be Happy

A recent post from the Childfreedom blog has compiled an eye-opening exposé on the realities of parenthood, Don't Worry, Be Happy.

I read every single one of them, and they are absolutely heartbreaking. They hate being a mother, hate their kids, hate their life, hate their loss of freedom because of children, and hate their ruined relationships. Most of them wanted children or were at least agreeable to it and have turned out massively unhappy. This isn't to say that it happens to every parent, but it's obvious that it is common, though a well-kept secret. There is no out for these people, and they are obligated to perpetuate their misery for many years, if not the rest of their lives. Here are a few that stand out to me:

"I love my son. I do. Unfortunately that doesnt stop me from wishing on a daily basis that I could go back and undo the last 2 years or so of my life. I hate being a mom. I loathe being a mom. I hate that i can't take a shower when I want. That i can't go out with my friends when I want. That going shopping is a mission that sucks the life right out of me. I hate that he screams about everything. I hate that he destroys everything I try to achieve. I had almost found an outlet of sorts for myself by going to the gym 5 days a week and leaving him in the kids club there. He managed to take that from me as well because he can't be civil around other children evidently. I have nothing now except for the endless days of screaming and crying while I watch my life waste away."

"I am so sick of everyone saying how precious this time is and how they grow up so fast. I feel that they can't grow up fast enough. I also have thought that other moms must be lying or fooling themselves when they say that parenthood is the best thing. I am uncomfortable talking with other parents because I am not good at lying or being fake and feel that it is obvious how much I hate being a mom. I also love my husband and long for the good old days when it was just the two of us, independent, free, and enjoying each other. Now we have such a practical/functional relationship...just getting this one fed, this diaper changed, this one to the doctor..... What were we thinking?"

"I spent my youth raising my 3 children. I have driven so many miles to soccer and basketball and football and cheerleading and plays and on and on. I volunteered at the school. I was a brownie troop leader. I read to my kids and made sure they got their shots and visits to the dentist. I took them to church and participated in their lives. They are all in their 40's. I live alone. I have not seen my kids in over 3 years. Two of them live on the opposite side of the country. My daughter has not visited me in over 10 years. If I call her I get voice mail and she may call back and she may not. My youngest got drunk and screamed at me (he's 41) and now does not speak to me. My oldest is the only one with children. He can take them to Germany and Spain and France and Chili and Disneyworld but he has not brought them to see me in 5 years. I have spent the last 15 Christmases, Thanksgivings and birthdays alone. The only time I have felt welcome at his home was when my first grandchild was born. My grandchildren are young teens and I have seen them 6 times. I am older and alone. I live on a fixed income and am not in good health and no one has my back. If I had not had children, I would have had a life and made provisions for being alone in my old age. Now, all I have to look forward to is death. And I will probably be dead days before anyone notices. Maybe if I don't show up for church two Sundays in a row someone might question."

"I don't know if having kids was the right thing to do. I love my kids and am proud of each of them. However, since I raised all 4 of them on my own...without family, friends, or any help from my ex-husband...I am the one that is LEFT ALL ALONE. I deliberately centered all of my work and activities around the kids...and wanted to be the best mom that i could be...in spite of our circumstances. I bought a house, went to work, cleaned the house and spent every night at home with my kids...cooking and doing homework with them. I rarely went out with friends, with the exception of outings with other mothers with their own brood.

Each child has grown into a well adjusted and accomplished person. However, what do I get in return? NOTHING! My daughters rarely call, my sons keep advising me to move to a warmer climate nearer my brothers...and hardly ever make time for even a 10 minute phone call to me."

"I too, wish I did not have a child. My infant daughter sucks the life out of me. Every day, I long to go back to the way my life was pre-baby. I traveled around the world, dined out in peace several times a week with my husband, and was all-around happy with my life. Now, my day consists of changing poopy diapers, washing bottles, feedings, getting throwed up on and screaming sessions. Then, this same routine just repeats, day after day. I don't travel anymore. When my husband and I go out to eat, it ends up being a nightmare and not worth the effort. I miss being able to hop in the car and see a movie with the hubby and staying out late enjoying ourselves. I am now a shell of the person I once was. I am not happy at all. I don't have any love for my daughter and I don't enjoy spending time with her AT ALL. And actually, I don't think she enjoys being with me the slightest, either. She completely annoys me, and I count down the moments until my husband gets home so I can pawn her off on him and get a break. I am lucky to have 20 minutes to myself to sit down and eat something, and relax. Some days I wish I could just adopt her out to someone who would love her, but I have too much pressure on me from family to keep her. My marriage is declining and the relationship with my husband has gotten much worse since the baby was born. I truly just despise the kid. She has ruined my happy life. If I would have known what my life would turn into after having her, I would have NEVER, EVER, EVER had children. Believe me, I will NOT have another one! I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and never had a child to begin with...."

I feel sorry for them, but at the same time there's no way they could not have had an inkling when deciding to have children that their fate would be a possibility. If you take a look around at the haggard parents, the empty wallets, the unfulfilling marriages followed by infidelity and divorce, you can imagine what raising children is like. The pro-natalists advertise only the rosy things, and gloss over the negatives with the all-encompassing phrase, "It's So Worth It."

Potential parents need to understand what their possible life could really be like, because there's no going back. But because of the skinny, beautiful moms on TV who make it look so easy, the wealthy Hollywood mothers who seem to have it all, the sentimental, billion dollar advertising industry depicting of sweet children and cooing babies, people like to stick their heads in the sand and pretend that it can't possibly happen to them.

And when it does, they're too ashamed to admit it. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, it is starting to come out.

--BadSec

Parenting Magazine: An effective (mental) contraceptive

Despite my feelings towards childfreedom (and my daily rejoicing in my childlessness), as a twenty-something woman my biology gets in the way occasionally. Googly-eyed babies are temptingly cute. I do love kids, I do. I have nothing against children, I just don't think I need my own. It was in a moment of weakness and morbid curiosity that I grabbed a copy of Parenting in the waiting room at my doctor's office today.

Thank God--er, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster--for this magazine. It is the best birth control.

People ought to think about baby-making before they do it. Many weren't planning to get pregnant but do anyway. An enormous group of women become hormonally deranged and won't stop until they get pregnant, not realizing that they may or may not be ready or even right for the job. A friend of mine, otherwise an intelligent young woman, secretly went off of her birth control because she wanted a baby so bad she couldn't see straight. Still more women get pregnant because their religion says they must, but that's another story. A depressing amount of women never give motherhood a second thought. They just do it. The excitement of pink and blue baby blankets and rubber duckies at bath time is just too irresistible and no consideration is given to the serious commitment, work and responsibility.

But I digress. After reading an article on sex after children, I felt oh-so-validated. Unfortunately I can't find the exact article online, but you can read a very similar article here. Main problems:

1. Too tired
2. Post-baby body
3. No sex drive
4. No privacy
5. No spontaneity/scheduled sex
6. Feeling used/underappreciated

Uuuuuugh!! I know people find ways around these problems, and kudos for them. But let's me honest--it's not as good as it once was. It's pretty much non-existent. And unless you're Angelina Jolie, the post-baby body will be decidedly unsexy. I love my sex life. I do not want to tamper with it at all. Then there's the money problem. Reproducing is insanely expensive, from the birth to college and everything inbetween.

Life is great just as it is, thank you very much!! :D

--BadSec