You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you

If you haven't heard about the Samantha Brick debacle, you should. That shit is hilarious. I apologize in advantage for indulging in some "celebrity" trash.



I am not one to downplay anyone's beauty--I am regularly teased for finding people pretty when others do not--but come on, Ms. Brick! In the pictures I've seen you range from pretty to pretty average. I think what makes you lose friends is your unbelievable arrogance. I have friends more beautiful than I, and I am more beautiful than some of my friends... that's very normal. But never has there been any difference in the way I've been treated, or the way I treat my friends, nor have I ever even heard of the catfighting that you describe. My friends trust me, and I trust them! I can't even crack a joke about American girls vs. British girls, because there are some damn hot English chicks out there.









I can't imagine the balls to be so wonderfully average, and to agree to have an article published about it! And did you seriously just compare yourself to Angelina Jolie?! What the fuck are you smoking?!!

I don't care if you are physically more attractive or less than I am, and I don't think most women do either. Even if you were the most gorgeous woman in the world, this arrogance, so amazingly public, would be ugly. But it sure does make it funny when you are pretty average!







Cheerio!!

God Hates Shrimp

This website is fucking genius:

God Hates Shrimp

It is a beautiful parody of the people who believe homosexuality is wrong because of the passage in Leviticus about it being an abomination.

"Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites."

--BadSec

Put Down the Pacifier Day

That's right, folks. November 4, 2011 is officially Put Down the Pacifier Day. This is bad news for toddlers and infantilists alike.

Even my worst days are better than if I were a parent having to deal with the myriad of problems parenting entails. Three cheers for being childfree!

No sooner had I posted this on my Facebook than a breeder took notice. I posted it because I find it ridiculous and hilarious that 1) parents can't get their kids to give up the pacifier, and 2) they need to put their kids in front of the TV so that a fictional character can tell them what to do. Hmmm, seems that Elmo has more parenting abilities than the parents. Anyway. This breeder commented, "omg. thank you sooo much for putting this up. i need Emily* to give her's up and she absolutely loves elmo. i hope this helps us." *facepalm*

*sigh* Glad I could help.

--BadSec

* Name changed

Theists, Your Ignorance is Showing!

An acquaintance posted this to her Facebook over the weekend:



"Atheism: The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing and then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinosaurs. Makes perfect sense."

*facepalm* Where to start? For one, this is NOT atheism. NOT AT ALL. If you run around promoting this idea, you are an ignorant jerkface.

All together now, children: Atheism is the lack of belief in a deity or deities. Nothing less, nothing more.

Atheism is not a belief in anything. It's a absence of belief. Furthermore, I don't know of any atheist who claims that there was nothing, and everything came from nothing, and all that bullshit. The truth is, we don't know exactly why the universe came into existence. We know a lot of things and learn more all the time, but the intellectually honest answer is to say "I don't know" and not "god did it." Did you notice that this is separate from "believing" in all that nothingness? Obviously there are causes for the existence of the universe and everything in it, but there is no evidence for the nature of the cause(s) being supernatural or spiritual. Thus, based on the lack of evidence, atheists believe that the causes for the universe are natural in origin.

Let's also point out that this idiotic poster clusters atheism together with evolution, cosmology, and the Big Bang theory, and has a piss poor understanding of those as well.

Theists like this only flaunt their ignorance. If they spent an hour reading something other than antiquated religious texts, they might experience what's known as education.

This, however, is perfectly accurate. It's funny, but I'm being serious--I used to believe this exactly, the only difference being I labeled it with prettier words and spent a bit more time trying to make it look like serious business.

The Farting Preacher

Who says religion can't be funny? I smell heaven's bakery.

Evil Prayer!

Whoever put "Shake a Lady" next to the Virgin Mary was an evil genius. Justice to the romance, for sure!

I love Bad Engrish.

The Vatican Rag

A friend of mine sent this to me and it's just wonderful:



It's fucking brilliant:

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

I might be Tom Lehrer fan now.

Advice Dog says...

"CLIMB THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN.
PUNCH THE FACE OF GOD."

Advice Dog must read my Blog.